Currently I am in Boston visiting some family and prepping for a ROCKIN' trip to Paris starting tomorrow night!!! WAHOO! So, this afternoon we were all in the kitchen and some people had been frying bacon for BLT's but I didn't want the whole sandwich I just wanted the bacon. Naturally.
Now, the way this thing is set up is that there is a griddle-type utensil that sits on top of two burners, and these burners are actual flames not just red hot coils. So as I'm frying this delicious pig (sorry Palice), I notice that the flames are sort of reaching up and around the sides of the front of the griddle, basically right next to my stomach as I stand next to the stove. Slightly unnerved at this observation, I try to turn the burner down but I discover if I turn it down any more it will just turn off. So I just make a mental note to be careful and keep myself away from the burner. This is the crucial point in time when I also should have taken off the scarf I was wearing. But alas, no such logic occurred to me. Not a proud moment for me, let's just leave it at that...you can see where this is leading.
Ok, so I'm frying bacon, la la la, and all of a sudden I look down and there are sparks and flames coming from my abdomen area. FLAMES!!!! MY SCARF WAS ON FIRE!!!!!! I had a flaming piece of cloth wrapped around my neck that was right next to all of my HAIR which lord knows would have gone up in flames, which is then next to my HEAD!!!! So practically my head was on fire, if you want to look at it more dramatically...which I do for the sake of this blog.
So naturally I FREAK OUT and hit myself until the sparks and flames are gone, and then proceed to compose myself after having just survived a life threatening situation. And what do I come face to face with?? My mother, WHO HAS GONE INTO FITS OF HYSTERICS!!!! That's right. I was on fire and what does my mom do?? She laughs!!! Unbelievable.
Ok to be fair, all of this fire business took place in a matter of milliseconds, I mean there really wasn't time for her to react before I had the "fire" out. But her response to my accusations of sitting idly by whilst I burn a fiery death? "Well I would've thrown this glass of milk on you if you hadn't gotten it out!" Great mom. You're a regular Smokey the Bear....